Running full-tilt toward the rabbit hole
In the distance, I tried to prepare myself
For the jump, but I knew I'd drop and roll
Rather than dive cleanly down the hole.
An actual dream gave me hope for the end.
Driving a winding overhang on Smith Mesa,
I saw a phenomenon comparable to the fire
Falls display that can happen at Yosemite
When the sun sets the falling thread ablaze
Without lighting the grey rock around it,
Only here I saw a waterfall that was rainbow
And as I looked, still driving along the edge
Of the gravel road on the cliff, I saw
That the rainbow waterfall was rainbow
All the way down and spilling in a river
That lit the desert canyon floor as it flowed.
And I was so excited that I noticed too late
I was about to drive over the crumbling edge
And panic grabbed me with the memory
That I have been afraid of that exact moment
For years. Somehow I didn't quite go over.
My panic functioned as a magic brake
And I teetered in the balance. Then,
The hope-giving event. Deliberately,
I leaned myself so that I tipped over
And fell free, no metal around me, just sky
And a long fall contemplating the end,
Which in my dream felt not at all like a crush
But like being grasped in a pillowy vice.
The feeling of intense pressure was pure
Suffocating delight, and I woke in the dark
Feeling better from massive endorphin rush
Than my aching body had felt in days,
And I thought, maybe I can do this, maybe.
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